Smithsonian employee accused of raping 2500-year old mummy

Washington, DC | A security guard of the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History was arrested this morning, for allegedly having sex with one of the mummies of the Egyptian exhibition.

44-year old James Monroe has worked as a night watchman for the reputed museum for the last nine years and was almost considered a model employee until his divorce two years ago.

According to his colleagues, he suddenly became very depressed and short-tempered and began behaving rather strangely.

On two occasions, his superior even noticed that one of the mummies seemed to have been damaged during his watch, leading to the installation of some new video cameras.

The images captured by these cameras were far more disturbing than what his boss expected.

The cameras caught Mr. Monroe on Monday evening, opening the glass display case protecting the 2500-year old Egyptian mummy, lying down on top of it and sexually aggressing it.

The Smithsonian fired the watchman and brought the images to the police, filing charges against their former employee for indecent exposure and destruction of property.

“The security video that the Smithsonian has provided us is really disgusting,” says D.C Police Chief, Cathy Lynn Lanier. “I understand that the mummy is not really a victim of sex crimes, but his behavior certainly caused some damages to the property of the Smithsonian, therefore, his behavior is criminal. And let’s be honest, I think he really needs help.”


The mummy was slightly damaged during Mr. Monroe’s sexual assaults, particularly in the groin area, but is still in a rather good condition. The corpse is believed to have belonged to a man of the upper class, who died around 500 BC.

Mr. Monroe will undergo a psychiatric assessment before the beginning of the court procedures, in order to determine if he is able to stand trial.

This process should take a few weeks, meaning Mr. Monroe will probably come back in court only in March.

7 Comments on "Smithsonian employee accused of raping 2500-year old mummy"

  1. He says he couldn’t help it, that mummy was dressed like a total Horus. I hope the judge will Set this right. He’s a total Bastet.

    • Hahaha omg I’m dying over here. At least there isn’t any chance of random baby mummy drama. Lmao. Like I said before…. I suppose that mum is NOT the word when searching for a place to stick your bird. Hahaa

  2. These comments are hilarious!

    • This is the best thread I have seen on the net in as long as I can remember. I’m laughing so hard I’m literally in pain. Beautiful.

  3. Who says it was not consensual?

  4. Has no one seen Night at the Museum? How can this be a crime when those things come to life after hours.

  5. It was a consensual relationship.

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