A San Francisco water chemist was found guilty yesterday of chemically altering San Francisco’s water supply.
Jeffrey Bain, 43, has been charged with endangering public health, safety or the environment in the second degree with the motive of “attempting to modify by chemical means the population’s sexual orientation.”
Bain was forced to admit in court he had lowered the thresholds for levels of pesticides and pheromones allowed in the city’s tap water by up to 4000% on his work shifts because he believed “they made people turn gay.”
“There is nothing wrong with being gay and if I can help our community thrive and be more numerous I think it makes the city more enjoyable for all,” he told an unimpressed judge.
“Bain dreamt of a world where everyone was gay and where homosexuals would be hunted down by police and put in jail where they would be coerced into homosexual sex until they changed their sexual orientation,” one former co-worker told reporters.
Some health experts claim this is a historically unprecedented experimentation on a mass scale on any American city population ever to occur.
“Studies have shown that in countries where restrictions on pesticides and pheromones do not exist, such as China, levels of the homosexual population have skyrocketed. One of every two people in China is now gay,” one expert told us when reached by phone.
Some experts believe the experimentation could have begun under his mentor, Eildreich Bunderberg, a German-American chemist who presided over the city’s tap water facility for over 35 years.
Eildreich Bunderberg, who was previously a professor at Munich’s Department of Chemistry during the 1990s, became famous for his studies on the effects of pheromones on the sexual orientation of frogs.