Purina Employee Arrested for Stealing and Eating Over 30,000$ of Dog Biscuits

Allentown, PA | An employee of a Purina pet food plant, was arrested this morning by the Allentown Police Department and Pennsylvania state troopers, after being accused of stealing more than 30,000$ in pet food over the last 18 months.

A Philadelphia native, Barry Larson, is accused of stealing more than 150,000 Milkbone dog biscuits between the month of August 2013 and March 2015. Surprisingly, the 49-year old employee doesn’t even own a pet and would have ingested nearly 3000 dog biscuits per day during his work hours, according to Purina spokesman, Keith Schopp.

“We noticed a few months ago that something was wrong with our dog biscuit production,” says Mr. Schopp.“When we checked the quantity of ingredients that were used in the production and the number of biscuits that were produced, the numbers just didn’t add up! We began installing more security cameras at various strategic locations throughout the factory, and we were finally able to identify the problem. Mr. Larson, who worked in the quality check sector, was eating almost half of the biscuits that went by him.”

The employee was caught on camera on several occasions over the last weeks, eating hundreds of biscuits at a time.

The employee was caught on camera on several occasions over the last weeks, eating hundreds of biscuits at a time during his work hours.

The Allentown Police Department and the Pennsylvania state troopers met the media this afternoon to comment this rather unusual case. Public relations officer of the state police, Capt. Brian Tobin confirmed that the company did most of the investigative work and built a very solid case against Mr. Larson.

“Purina has provided us with hours of video evidence in which we see the suspect smoke drugs on his work site, and then eat hundreds of dog biscuits” says Captain Tobin, visibly amused. “The images are a little bit disturbing, but very conclusive in terms of evidence. We proceeded with Mr. Larson’s arrest this morning for 15 charges of petty theft, and found him to be in possession of 10 grams of cannabis.”


The press conference of the Allentown Police Department attracted a surprising amount of media attention, as dozens of journalists from all over the American East Coast were present in the small conference room.

Barry Larson’s ex-girlfriend, Patricia Nelson, told a reporter from WKPN 23, that she was aware of his “addictions” to both cannabis and dog biscuits, and that she had actually left him when she had found out.

“Every night, he came back from work with a really horrible breath” she said with disgust.“It was not just a normal bad breath, it was really a foul stench that never left, even if he brushed his teeth or used mouthwash. One day, I came back from work earlier than usual, and surprised him with his mouth full of dog biscuits! I nearly threw up! I was so disgusted, that I packed my things and left. I didn’t know, however, that he was stealing the biscuits…”

Mr. Larson is expected to appear before a Lehigh County court to present his plea on Friday, concerning 15 charges of petty theft and one charge of drug possession.

5 Comments on "Purina Employee Arrested for Stealing and Eating Over 30,000$ of Dog Biscuits"

  1. Did he have whiter, fresher teeth and healthier gums?

  2. Hugh MacReviss | May 15, 2015 at 12:52 am | Reply

    Saved for 4chan Fat Hate Thread immortality! What won’t hamplanets won’t do for their grossly excessive calorie intake. At least diabetes will take a lot of them out of circulation, and when it’s the result of decades of relentless deliberate choice it’s no tragedy.

    I’ve been toking since the 1970s and never got the urge to steal my dogs dinner.

  3. His ex-girlfriend reported odd addictions she discovered. He was chasing cars through the neighborhood, peeing on fire hydrants, and his breath smelled like he was eating poop in the yard. Much worse than your typical bad breath.

  4. Dan Simpson | May 14, 2015 at 4:35 pm | Reply

    Ever notice how the Pa. pigs dress just like the fucking German Nazi Gestapo? Them and New Jersey pigs. Communist supporting motherfuckers!

  5. Dan Simpson | May 14, 2015 at 4:33 pm | Reply

    That fat fuck on the right looks like he has been gorging on dog biscuits himself. Fat greasy ass pig.

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