A Walmart store in Cincinnati faced one the strangest shoplifting attempt in history Yesterday: a would-be thief lost consciousness while trying to insert a 7-foot tall plastic Christmas tree in her vaginal cavity.
According to the police report, 43-year old Wanda Brown took a 7.5-Ft Slim Yuletide Pine Christmas Tree with her inside the store’s restrooms with the intent of inserting it entirely in her body cavities and steal it.
Unfortunately for her, the pain caused by the insertion was too great and she lost consciousness before the end of the process.
She was found lying bloodied and senseless on the floor in the middle of the restroom by other customers who immediately decided to call 911.
Lucy Myers, one of the women who found Ms. Brown and called the paramedics, says she thought the woman had been the victim of an extremely savage aggression.
“When I saw her at least two feet of a huge Christmas tree had been shoved down her genital cavity, I thought it was the work of a sex maniac.”
Officers of the Cincinnati Police Department (CPD) were rapidly dispatched on the site expecting a manhunt for a sexual offender.
According to CPD spokesman, Captain Terrell Harris, the officers were in disbelief when they saw the footage of the security cameras and understood that the woman’s wounds were self-inflicted during an ill-conceived criminal plan.
“When we saw her go in the restroom with the tree and noticed that no one else entered before the witnesses who called us, we understood and instantly felt nauseous. That’s the dumbest crime I’ve ever seen!”
Wanda Brown was transported to the University of Cincinnati Medical Center where doctors still consider her condition “critical but stable” and no longer fear for her life.
She suffered from severe lacerations necessitating over 375 stitches and lost more than 2 liters of blood. She hasn’t regained consciousness yet, but doctors expect her to do so within a few days.
Ms. Brown has a long criminal record including several larceny charges, as well as other crimes like possession of counterfeit documents and even impersonating a police officer.
She will face two new charges of larceny and indecent exposure, but her lawyer has demanded a pŝychiatric evaluation to determine if she is fit to stand trial.
The evaluation is set to take place after she regains consciousness and recovers from her injuries, which means her trial shouldn’t take place before February or March of next year.