Irish Pfizer plant releases 750 tons of Viagra in river, thousands of sheep go on a sex craze

Irish shepherds finally got an answer concerning their animals’ uncontrollable sex urges, as the pharmaceutical corporation Pfizer admitted that one of its drug-manufacturing plants accidentally spilled more than 755 tons of unfiltered Viagra in the waters of Ringaskiddy Harbour over the last week.

Hundreds of shepherds across southern Ireland had complained over the last week that their animals behaved very strangely and were sexually overactive.

During an interview with RTÉ One this morning, Michael Murphy, a shepherd from the nearby village of Raffeen, described his animals as “behaving like sex maniacs”.

“They kept humping everything they saw! Not only each other but also my dogs, my children, the fences… it was scary as hell!”

Several rumors rapidly spread to explain the sudden symptoms which affected over 80,000 sheep and a few hundred heads of cattle.

Mr. Murphy says he always suspected Pfizer but feared it could be a new disease similar to the mad cow disease but affecting mostly sheep.

“We were afraid that some government experts would say they were suffering from some horny sheep disease or something, and that we’d have to kill them all.” 

Michael Murphy says his animals are just starting to calm down after a weeklong sex craze, 48 hours after Pfizer finally fixed the problem.

Pfizer denied any responsibility last week when the problem was first reported, claiming its facility had a “fail-proof security system” and met “the highest environmental standards”.

After the numbers of reports increased and the problem started getting worse, the company ordered an inspection of its installation and discovered a problem with its waste filtration system, leading to the contamination of an underground river.

The system was repaired on Sunday and the problem now seems to be resorbing, but it could take weeks before all infected animals’ behavior comes back to normal.

This isn’t the first time Pfizer has a problem with this specific factory. In 2017 villagers from Ringaskiddy filed a class-action lawsuit after fumes from the plant were found to have arousing effects on both humans and animals.

Despite the installation of new particle filters and a new air filtration system, the locals still have a saying about the air: “One whiff and you’re stiff.”

2 Comments on "Irish Pfizer plant releases 750 tons of Viagra in river, thousands of sheep go on a sex craze"

  1. GOOD

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