FDA Approves New Tranquilizing Darts for Children

Washington | The FDA announced this morning it gave its approval for the marketing release of their new anesthetic dart guns, specifically designed to calm children suffering from ADHD.

The new product is capable of putting a child to sleep in less than 4 seconds and reportedly has no serious long-term effects on the health of children.

These new tools specifically created to assist parents with children suffering from ADHD have a practical range of approximately 10 to 12 feet (3 to 4 meters) and their effect is meant to last for a period of 4 to 6 hours per injection.

The manufacturer advises, however, not to use the gun more than 1 to 2 times daily on the same child in order to prevent the development of a physical addiction to the product.

“With the dramatic rise of ADHD cases, there was a very high demand for this kind of product,” explains Mr. William Murray, the company’s public relations manager. 


The micro darts reportedly have no serious long-term effects on the health of children

The organization Mothers against Drugs qualified these darts as a “very dangerous solutionand has filed an application for review of the decision in court.

“It is simply ridiculous and completely unacceptable to think that we will start shooting our children with guns and injecting them drugs ourselves,” says Martha Brown, the vice-president of the organization.

“You might as well use a taser gun while you’re at it” she told reporters during the press conference.

Despite the significant controversy surrounding the release of the product, the product should be available in drug stores around the country this summer.

6 Comments on "FDA Approves New Tranquilizing Darts for Children"

  1. Where can I order a case? And can I use them on the neighborhood kids?

  2. Crazy people. If you dont want to deal with ADHD children seek orifessiinal help. Not for the chikd but for yourself. This is just crazy

  3. The Internet Himself | May 28, 2019 at 12:02 am | Reply

    Wow this totally won’t end up as a date rape drug

  4. Screw the kids. I don’t even have kids! I use this **** on myself! Best sleep i ever got! Back to bed! Laterz!!

  5. I got a beta version and I just use it on my kid every 4-8 hours and they dont even wake up ! I let it wear off 3 times a day to let them get up and est and use the restroom and it’s like I have my old life back ! Great product guys !

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