Drunk Alabama man arrested for sexually assaulting church nativity scene donkey and ox figures

A heavily inebriated man was arrested last night by the Mobile Police Department (MPD) while engaging in sexual intercourse with animal figures of a Nativity scene outside the Trinity Methodist Church.

53-year old Boris Middleton was spotted last night by patrolling MPD officers while he was humping aggressively a fiberglass and resin donkey figure displayed in front of the church.

The policemen were responding to a 911 call made around 1 AM this morning, reporting that a man was loitering around the church nativity scene and looked like he intended to steal the figures.

According to the police spokesman, Captain Mark Williams, the accused had pierced holes in the figures, taken his pants off and was yelling lewd comments at the artificial animals when the officers arrived on the site a few minutes later.

“He was humping the donkey, slapping its ass and calling it a “good bitch”. It was disgusting, but it didn’t take long to understand what was going on.”

Captain Williams says the accused suffered from severe frost burn and serious lacerations to his genitals while assaulting the freezing cold fiberglass figures and had to be transported to the University South Alabama Medical Center.

“His penis was bleeding heavily and blueish in color because of the cold, but he was so horny he that hadn’t even noticed.”

Mobile Police Department spokesman, Captain Mark Williams, says the accused would have lost his penis and possibly his life if he hadn’t been caught.

Mr. Middleton’s medical condition necessitated a total of 57 stitches and two blood transfusions but doctors were able to save his genitals and no longer fear for his life.

He will now have to face charges of criminal mischief, indecent exposure, disorderly conduct, and public intoxication.

If found guilty on all charges, he faces a total of 7 years in prison and a maximum fine of $335,000. His trial is set to begin in January at the Mobile County District Courthouse.

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