An Ohio couple’s attempts to spice up their sex life with some kinky roleplay turned horribly wrong last night, as they were both shot by hunters while having sex in the woods in Sasquatch costumes.
43-year old Chris Mumford and 41-year old Janet Smith were wearing disguises and engaging in loud sex in a wooded area a few miles out of Woodsfield when they were spotted by local hunters.
Jarod Burns and his son were patrolling their property with rifles in hand, looking for signs of bears that may have awakened early from their hibernation, when he saw the hairy creatures.
“It looked like a couple of gorillas mating like crazy. They were standing over 6-foot tall and kept growling and moaning. They really looked like wild creatures.”
Mr. Burns and his son were convinced they were facing a couple of sasquatches, folkloric creatures said to be hairy, upright-walking, ape-like creatures that dwell in the North American wilderness.
“I know there aren’t any apes around here, but this is Bigfoot territory. We really thought this was our chance to kill one and finally prove they exist.”
The two men fired eight shots, hitting Mr. Mumford three times in the shoulder, the leg, and the abdomen, and hitting Ms. Smith twice in the thigh and the forearm.
Fortunately, the couple started screaming and swearing after getting shot, helping the hunters realize their mistake and call 911.
The adventurous couple was transported to Barnsville hospital where doctors were able to stabilize their condition and no longer fear for their lives.
The Monroe County Sheriff’s Office has opened an investigation to determine the exact circumstances of the incident, and criminal charges could eventually be filed against the negligent hunters.
Despite this unfortunate accident, Jarod Burns remains convinced that sasquatches exist and says he won’t hesitate to kill it if he sees a real one.