Colorado: 61-year-old catholic nun falls pregnant after unknowingly eating 12 lbs of bull testicles

A catholic nun found herself pregnant without even breaking her vow of chastity, after devouring six platefuls of Rockie Mountains oysters, a local delicacy made of bull testicles.

61-year old Sister Mary-Gertrude of the Carmelite Monastery of the Sacred Hearts spent a weekend of fasting and prayers in August, in an isolated covenant near the town of Severance.

On the way back to the monastery, the nuns stopped for dinner at an all-you-can-eat buffet specializing in local cuisine.

Sister Mary-Gertrude says she succumbed to gluttony after tasting a succulent local dish called Rockie Mountain oysters.

“It was called oysters and tasted like fried chicken but better! I chugged down six huge platefuls in a row and couldn’t stop.”

Over the next few months, she began feeling nauseous and getting stomach aches, leading her to consult a doctor.

She not only learned that she was pregnant and that she suffered from rectovaginal fistula,  an abnormal connection between the lower portion of the large intestine or rectum and the vagina.

This rare medical condition is known to have led to several pregnancies caused by oral or anal sex, but this is the first known case of pregnancy caused by ingesting animal semen.

“The doctor told me that I ate 12 lbs of bull testicles and that’s what made me pregnant, but I know it’s actually God punishing me for my gluttony.”

Rocky Mountain oysters is a dish made of bull testicles. The organs are often deep-fried after being skinned, coated in flour, pepper, and salt, and sometimes pounded flat.

The Roman Catholic Diocese of Colorado Springs will hold a special theological council to determine the faith of Sister Mary-Gertrude.

Although the nun did not technically violate her vows, female members of the catholic clergy aren’t allowed to bear children and her pregnancy is a major embarrassment for her Order.

Depending on the council’s judgment, she could be condemned to the loss of her clerical status or even excommunication.

3 Comments on "Colorado: 61-year-old catholic nun falls pregnant after unknowingly eating 12 lbs of bull testicles"

  1. damn she likes to eat though

  2. Makes me weep over & rehydrate my Eucharist wafer.

  3. Akeredolu Ganiyu Kolawole | December 22, 2019 at 1:55 am | Reply

    Can this publication stand the litmus test of practical science? Is it possible that eating certain things can induce pregnancy?

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