Belgium Health Minister puts ban on non-essential sexual activities of persons 3 or greater in indoor areas

Belgium Health Minister Maggie de Block has put a ban on all non-essential sexual activities of persons 3 or greater in indoor areas.

Health Minister de Block announced today that, effective immediately, “non-essential” sexual activities of 3 people or more are banned in Belgium to combat the spread of COVID-19.

De Block said she was forced to act swiftly because of Belgium’s reputation as being the “beer-drinking” and “group sex capital of Europe.”

“Belgium is the beer-drinking and group sex capital of Europe, if not the world. We, as a nation, must address this situation,” De Block announced in Parliament.

Belgium Health minister has put a ban on all sexual activities of three people or more after a coronavirus party last week turned into a 500-participant orgy and ended with 380 cases of contamination.

“Wife swapping, threesomes, and orgies of six, fifty, one hundred or more are not permitted until the outbreak settles down,” she announced in Parliament.

Health minister De Block did not ban single or two-person sexual practices such as masturbation, anal or oral sex, or even bestiality.

“These measures apply only to human-to-human sexual contact, not human-to-animal contact,” she added when questioned about bestiality by reporters.

A 2018 survey revealed that more than 78% of Belgian couples openly practice wife swapping, a cultural trait that became common practice in the 19th century under the rule of King Leopold II.

7 Comments on "Belgium Health Minister puts ban on non-essential sexual activities of persons 3 or greater in indoor areas"

  1. BeenThereDoneThat | March 22, 2020 at 5:30 pm | Reply

    One would think that a progressive woman as this would refrain from using such a sexist term as “wife swapping”. Not very empowering if you ask me. The husbands get swapped in the deal too. I would be fine with my wife swapping me for a while, but not with her. Just…no.

  2. Thomas Nilsen | March 22, 2020 at 5:19 pm | Reply

    Maybe this health minister should take better care of her own health?

  3. cellery blackrock | March 22, 2020 at 5:15 pm | Reply

    I pity those poor Belgian Shepherd dogs (Malinois, Turveren, Groenendale).

  4. Threesomes are a no but shagging the dog is okay? Mmm, Belgium friends, mmm!

  5. health? surely you jest

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