Teenager accidentally chops off his genitals during sex with a blender

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A teenage boy from Polk County in Missouri was transported to the hospital this afternoon after a sexual experience involving a kitchen blender went horribly wrong.

16-year old Brian Johnson was apparently alone in his parents’ house and decided to engage in sexual intercourse with various objects around the residence.

He admitted to having sex with a toaster, a vacuum cleaner, and an old video recorder, as well as a dozen other items.

This strange sexual orgy could have continued for hours, but it was suddenly interrupted by a terrible accident.

The young man had his genitals inside the electric blender and he accidentally hit one of the appliance’s button, activating it.

He was instantly emasculated by the rotating blade and his genitals were reduced to shreds in a matter of seconds.

The young man was severely bleeding and he barely managed to call 911 before he lost consciousness. Fortunately for him, paramedics arrived on the site in a matter of minutes and he was rapidly transported to the hospital.

According to Jeremy Morane, one of the paramedics who transported the teenager, the quantity of blood on the scene was a testimony to the violence of the accident.

“There was blood everywhere! On the ceiling, the walls, the floor… It was like someone had splattered his genitals all across the kitchen.”

Mr. Morane claims the young man lost more than five pints of blood and is extremely lucky to be alive.

“If we’d arrived just two minutes later, he’d be dead.”

Fortunately for him, Brian Johnson was transported to the Citizens Memorial Hospital just in time, and doctors were able to stabilize him.

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The paramedics Jeremy Morane and Jason Norris probably saved the young man’s life with their rapid intervention. The governor’s office has announced that the two heroes will be nominated for the Missouri Medal of Honor for their actions.

Mr. Johnson’s terrible emasculation may seem unusual, but accidents of sexual nature involving everyday items are actually pretty common in the United States.

An average of 71 Americans dies every year while having sex with various inanimate objects and more than 4000 others have to be hospitalized.

The items most commonly implicated are shower heads,  TV remote controls, toilet brushes and vacuum cleaners.

Incidents involving blenders are rather rare, however, and the most recent occurred in 2007 when a 47-year man from Illinois died under similar circumstances.

5 Comments on "Teenager accidentally chops off his genitals during sex with a blender"

  1. Renato Barrichello | May 15, 2017 at 12:58 am | Reply

    Looking at the bright side of things, he won’t be able to procreate. Darwin proves his theory again.

  2. He will have to go Brucie Gender now. He will be a she!

  3. Was it good for you?

  4. Not a SHARP one was he

  5. Darwin in action — and Thank God his DNA is out of the gene pool.

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